The 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) [having his belly hair waxed] Andy Stitzer: [yells] Yooooooooow, Kelly Clarkson! David: You know how I know you're gay? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says "I like it when balls are in my face." Andy Stitzer: I'm a virgin. I always have been. David: Know how I know you're gay? You like Coldplay. Cal: You look like a man-o-lantern. Andy Stitzer: That billboard had two sides, and both of them hurt equally. Andy Stitzer: [after his co-workers figure out that he's a virgin, he tries to deny it] You guys... are up... your... asses. [Pick-up line] Andy Stitzer: I hope you have a big trunk... because I'm puttin' my bike in it. Andy Stitzer: Is this shirt too yellow? Cal: No. [pause] Cal: Tell me, what's Curious George like in real life? [about how he knew the prostitute was really a transvestite] Andy Stitzer: She had hands as big as Andre the Giant, and she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls! Cal: Be David Caruso in "Jade." Trish: [on the bed, kissing] Do you have protection? Andy Stitzer: I don't believe in guns. Andy Stitzer: [just had chest hair ripped off by waxing lady] Fuuuuck! I *hate* you! Waxing Lady: Sorry. Andy Stitzer: [calms down very quickly] Gosh, I am so sorry. I usually don't curse. Andy Stitzer: [about Beth] That woman scares the shit out of me! Cal: You've gotta wait till the seed grows into a plant. Then you've gotta fuck the plant.